I am amazed. Absolutely amazed. I listen to them now and think of the small small life I lived in my small small bubble, in this small, protected little sphere of life where everything was externally mediated and I think dear god how could i have lived like that? How could i have even learned to THINK in that bubble? Let alone reject the external mediation and try and try to get a hold of things for myself. I listen to them and think I was like that once but was I? I remember my life in the past 17 years like a haze – only bits and pieces here and a little there – moments without feeling crushed together, floating in this vacuum of ultimate nothingness. Ultimate nothingness that was meant to be my life, my purpose in that country, society, people.
Life has grown for me here and given me space to grow. And I only just now realize it, after looking back at what it was I moved on from.