Not so whiney, and yet -

I have written a lot recently, read a lot and generally communicated a lot in a lot of forms.

I’m exhausted as hell. And my head feels like it’ll split open and spill its contents on the table. Or at least, exert enough pressure on my eye to pop it out of its socket and onto the keyboard.

In all honesty, I’m not satisfied with what I have written. It is distant, blunt, and involves no structural or strategic innovation. Basically most of it is a rant I have written to merely content myself with the fact that I have written. *What* i have written is, however, not taken into consideration.

And now I am paying for it.

I have written but feel no release. And now am too spent to perform a catharsis all over again. Wonderful, innit?

I need to write something beautiful, spin a story, a poem, a little snapshot of a time and place and all those in it. I need to write *creatively*, make up things, make believe…
but I’m afraid. I start writing something of the sort, stop, go back and delete what I have written then carry on with some other task.

Must work through this. And must write something worthwhile.

Must also make resume and find job..and..other..stuff.

*sigh*

Paakiza

I happened to stumble across this movie last night as my dad and brother were watching it. For those that don’t know, its an old indian film built generally around the life of a woman that is an escort. I choose that word because it is more respectful than others I could find.

Those of you for whom this topic is…sensitive, it’d be a good idea to stop reading. Those that think they can take it are welcome to read and comment.

I say I stumbled across the film because I had no intention of watching it when I first sat down to dinner. I was, however, drawn in by the musical renderings of the film, the striking (for that time) cinematography and its wonderfully intricate plot that made a point. And was not just a plot for the sake of it.

The movie left me pondering the meaning of the word “Paak”. I first went through synonyms – clean, pure, uncorrupted, immaculate…and then I wondered where the word “virgin” factors in to all of this. It astounds me how people have such different interpretations of purity, most relying completely on chastity, and very few others taking into consideration something deeper.

Escorts are shunned and looked down upon. I can’t understand why, as no child wishes to grow up to walk streets and sell him/herself. We are all ballerinas, archeologists, teachers, writers, astronauts, race-car drivers and ice-cream tasters. It is no one’s dream to be exploited, no one’s dream to cooperate while it happens, and yet society shuns the escorts. Not the men that go to them, not their brothers, husbands, fathers that go to them. Society casts blame where it is most easily accepted. It does not repremand itself for driving women and men (yes, I speak of male escorts too) to such “choices”. It does not blame itself for raising childern so shamelessly that there are those willing to put a price on another’s “purity”.

For a world that values the idea of chastity, I’d say thats pretty low. For those that pride themselves for being above those that are forced to sell themselves, it is a slap on the face.

Paakiza made a point, that I am afraid not many people got.

I hope this post has perpetuated its message, even a little bit.